I’m usually fairly safe in my alternative lifestyle. My financial arrangements with men are typically in ongoing, long-term relationships and are initiated after going through an extensive screening process where chemistry exists and I’m given a monthly allowance. The BDSM dungeon I work at plays by the rules and is nowhere near as dangerous as people would think. But when it comes to the realm of private, independent sessions (not associated with my sexy job at the dungeon in any way), no safe word is ever really safe.
This past weekend, I was quite shaken up after I did a job that I didn’t know I would get paid for and was cornered and berated to abandon my values. I came very close to being pimped out by someone other than myself. And that is not ok.
Sometimes, it isn’t the clients you have to worry about. Sometimes, your enemy is a wolf in a sheepskin, a pimp posing as another professional.
It started when I got a referral from a friend to tag team on what was positioned as a BDSM private session coordinated by another professional. The term used in the job description was facesitting. For those who are not familiar with the BDSM world, facesitting is used as a form of dominance where a submissive’s face is forced or allowed to have contact with a dominant’s private area. The applied pressure, darkness, and sexual odors demonstrate superiority and tease the submissive. It can be used as humiliation for the submissive or for sexual gratification.
So when I signed up for a paid, private facesitting session with another BDSM professional, I assumed that we would be going by the book. And, oh was I wrong!
What I had walked into was a full bait-and-switch. I got into a car with my friend, another passenger, and the main negotiator who was driving. She took us to a house where she claimed we would be role playing and torturing her client.
Everything seemed normal at first. We were in character, we restrained the client as planned and got situated. Once the session began, the negotiator went first and my jaw dropped when I saw what was going on. She had taken off her panties and sat on the man we had tied up allowing him to conduct oral sex. She orgasmed right in front of me. But, she previously stated that clothing was optional so I thought maybe they had another deal going on since they were “friends.”
When it was time for my friend to go she sat on the client’s face with panties on. After she didn’t take her panties off, she was pulled aside by the negotiator and I could see that something was very wrong.
I went next. I left my panties on. And, I was pulled aside as well. That’s when the berating began.
“You mean your friend didn’t tell you?” The negotiator asked me with her nose flaring out. She was irate.
“No. This was supposed to be a face sitting session.” I said firmly.
“Yes. Face sitting. EATING PUSSY! I would have never brought you girls here if I knew this is how you are. You know you’re not going to make as much money if you don’t take your panties off.”
“Ok.” I responded softly.
Now facesitting without panties on is a real thing but that typically occurs in intimate relationships where the participants have some sort of agreement already in place. During a paid, private session, there is only one word I can use to describe what facesitting is without panties on. I call it prostitution. And as I’ve made clear in previous blogs, I am not in the business of doing anything illegal.
The negotiator proceeded to intimidate me while we were in the house. She used tactics that stressed monetary incentives and she attacked my reluctance to perform by saying I didn’t even try. She told me to wait in the car and I think one or both the negotiator and/or the other passenger (who was a 40-year-old stripper) might have done some things I wasn’t supposed to see. On the way back to my car, she continued to shame me for “not doing the job.”
She didn’t pay me what she said she would but she paid me. And when it was all over, I was just happy to get back to my car in one piece without being trafficked.
I was a bit traumatized from that night. I didn’t want to be alone the next day. After working a day shift at the dungeon, I asked a couple girls to have dinner with me because I didn’t want to go home to my empty apartment. It took me a couple days to emotionally recover but I’m ok now and, in hindsight, I learned a couple things.
My first mistake was agreeing to do a job without meeting the actual person setting everything up. To this day, I fully trust my referrer’s judgement. I think she’s a genuine person who was trying to help me make some money and her perception of the negotiator was reasonably based off of past, legitimate collaborations that would not have exposed the negotiator’s dark side. It translates to a real world application: Know your employer and take the time to ask questions and interview.
My next mistake was getting into a car with a stranger and trusting her with my life. The negotiator was drinking hard liquor and I had no say because I was basically stranded. From this I learned, don’t get into cars with strangers. This should have been a no-brainer (especially after I just blogged about being careful with who you surround yourself with!), but, it serves as a reminder that things can get cloudy when business is involved. So, keep that co-worker at bay and don’t go out to lunch with them until you really know you can trust them. The enemy has many faces and believe me, there are enemies out there.
I have to give myself credit though. I walked out of that situation with my dignity because I held my composure and I didn’t do something I didn’t agree with. When dealing with someone who is aggressive, you have to stay calm and think smart. It’s no use arguing with someone you can’t reason with, you have to keep your cool and disengage. And if you know your values and stick by them, it doesn’t matter how little you got paid or what you had to do to fight for it, you get to walk away with the confidence that you did the right thing and no one can ever take that away from you.
I think I’ll stay out of the independent session world for now. I’m sure that not all independent sessions are like the one I experienced but I’m not ready to take a chance on another night like the one I had. I prefer keeping my panties on with clients.